What To, and Not To, Say...
Knowing what to and not to say to some one going through grief can be challenging. Jen shares some of her thoughts on the helpful, and not so helpful, ways people have responded to her.
I am deeply humbled by all who have reached out since my post last week. Thank you!
This week’s post is dedicated to those profoundly affected by Hurricane Helene and to those who will be impacted by Hurricane Milton. I can’t imagine the challenges you’re facing, and I’m truly sorry for what you’re going through. My thoughts and prayers are with you during this difficult time.
Many of you have mentioned how comments from family and friends can sometimes feel unhelpful or even triggering after losing a loved one. I believe this is something we can all relate to in some degree. Most of the time, people genuinely mean well, but they often struggle to find the right words. Grief can make everyone uncomfortable, and navigating those conversations can be challenging for all involved.
First and foremost, grief can arise not just from losing a loved one, but also from losing a job, a home, cherished belongings, or anything deeply valued. It encompasses the feelings associated with loss and the realization of what will never be. Additionally, grief manifests uniquely for each person; we all have our own ways of experiencing it.
It’s completely understandable to find it difficult to know what to say to someone grappling with such intense emotions. Here are five tips, drawn from my own experiences with grief, that may help you support someone through their journey.
1. Acknowledge the Pain: Validate their feelings by saying something like, "I can’t imagine how hard this is for you." This shows that you recognize their pain and that it’s okay to feel what they’re feeling.
2. Avoid Clichés: Instead of saying, “They’re in a better place,” try expressing something like, “I’m so sorry you’re going through this.” Clichés can minimize their experience; authentic words matter more.
3. Encourage Sharing: Invite them to share their thoughts and memories by asking open-ended questions like, "What do you miss most about them?" This allows them to express their grief and keeps the memory alive.
4. Be Present: Sometimes, simply being there is enough. You can say, "I’m here for you, no matter what you need," reinforcing that they are not alone in their grief.
5. Normalize Grief: Remind them that grief is a personal journey with no right or wrong way to feel. You might say, “It’s okay to feel however you feel right now; there’s no timeline for this.”
The most significant support I received during the early days of my grief journey came from dear friends who checked in on me regularly. They made sure I was eating and doing at least one thing each day for my well-being. There were days when I struggled to get out of bed and had no appetite, and on those days, it felt like the grief would never lift. Just getting out of bed felt monumental. A call or visit from a loved one, encouraging me to take care of myself, often became the lifeline I needed to make it through another day.
Above all, being sensitive and attentive to their needs will go a long way in providing comfort during this difficult time. Simply reaching out and being with them can bring the healing they need in a difficult time.
I hope you find this helpful. Please forward this to anyone you feel would benefit from this newsletter, and leave a comment. I would love to engage with you.
Take care - Jen